Rachel became my best friend not long after we met at Uni – and our friendship only grew over the years. We loved each other more every day. We moved to Berkhamsted to raise our family and were lucky to make true friends here.
I think to Rach, family was a combination of great love, pride and a sense of duty (but in a good way). Rach would do anything for her family. It’s no exaggeration to say that Louis and Tilly were the centre of her world. And to them, she was the best mum in the world. We did all the things they enjoyed – football, dancing, family holidays – we have so many happy memories.
During the pandemic in 2020, Rachel was diagnosed with a rare cancer. She fought it with strength and tried to keep physically fit. She used to run and loved doing yoga. We thought for a while that she was cancer free, but we learned in late 2023 that it had come back.
We lived in Berkhamsted for nearly twenty years, and while we knew the Hospice existed and sort of knew what it did, we didn’t understand how wonderful it was until it touched our lives. From the first day that Rachel moved to the Inpatient Unit, everything was so far beyond my expectations: the level of care and attention, the way the nurses were immediately available, the access to medication. Everyone got to know Rachel and our family so it felt like a community and not just somewhere people work.
Our daughter Tilly was fourteen at the time, and when she came to the Hospice she said, “Oh, it’s just like Centre Parcs.” She saw it as a happy place. A place where she’d come and see her mum and not worry. It was so important to the kids because they wouldn’t have wanted to see their mum in hospital. Yet, they were happy to come to the Hospice which meant we could be a family again. Other patients would chat to our dog (he was always welcome), and for Mother’s Day we made a big fuss of Rachel with the kids bringing in presents.
That time at the Hospice was precious because Rachel and I were able to talk about what she wanted for our kids and for me. The conversations we had will stay with me forever. We talked about the future so I knew what her wishes were. I think back on that as a gift now – and the Hospice played a big role in giving us that gift. It’s what has enabled me to carry on because I have clarity over how Rachel felt and what she wanted.
In Rachel’s final weeks, the nurses helped us to manage visits so that they wouldn’t be upsetting to the children. Tilly and Louis saw Rachel when she was the most awake and able to interact. It wouldn’t have been possible in hospital. That level of control, understanding and compassion meant we were able to keep the experience as good as it could be as they said their goodbyes to their mum.
Rachel was remarkable. She was caring and thoughtful and selfless and did so much for other people. I think that being at the Hospice enabled her to be even more remarkable. She was able to face into the final few weeks of her life with such grace and a level of calmness.
Rachel was a much loved person and my best friend. It’s horrible when something like this happens, but it happened in the best way it possibly could, because of the care Rachel had at the Hospice. It gave her dignity, choice and peace.
The Hospice cared for us both, not just while Rachel was there but afterwards as well. The ongoing conversation and calls [from bereavement support] were really valuable. I feel more settled now because I’m doing the things Rachel and I talked about in a way that would make her proud.
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